1 - Fearful Daydream

"Describe a time when you really felt fear. What made it a frightening time? How did you feel when it was over?  (If you have never been afraid, what might frighten you?)"

               Have you ever encountered a really good story that at a time, you dreamt that you were the main character of it? Maybe a fantasy story about fairy tale creatures existing on earth, a mystery and thrilling adventure, or even a story that can really happen in real life. I am not only specifying that the stories should be written and read, it can even be watched and heard. I admit, I too do that often times when I read great books. One book in particular was the first book of the Night World series by L.J. Smith. The book was a compilation of short stories off one world. It was about the creatures of the night, particularly vampires, were wolves, and witches. The one that captured my attention the most was the first story. It was about a human girl who suddenly discovered she had cancer and it was already in an incurable level. Her handsome best friend who coincidentally was a vampire, told her about the world of the night creatures and they decided that the girl still has to live her life longer on earth thus; he turned her into a vampire. I always imagined that that I was the girl. I'll find out about my illness then discover a world unknown to human beings and be one with that world. Wouldn't it be exciting to experience that? That was my thought at the time, oh how wrong that line of thought was.

               During a silent, cold dark night I was awoken from my peaceful slumber by a hair curling pain from my abdomen. The pain was like none I have ever felt before and slowly, tears started to flow down from my eyes. The pain was so much that I couldn't even utter any coherent word and the only sounds coming from my mouth were my silent cries. I would not be able to tell you how long the pain lasted or when I lost consciousness from the pain but the only thing I can tell you is that when I woke up the next day, the pain was gone and I was healthy as I was the previous day.

               Months passed by in a blur after that. The next incident it had happened was much worst and kind of disturbing. Coincidentally, it was also a cold and dark day when I experienced the pain for the next time around. Ironically, it was during my summer classes, days in which it should have been hot and bright. But instead of the day being hot, it was my insides that felt like it was being warmed by the sun directly. This time, I didn't bother holding in my cries of pain even though I was in the middle of a class. The teacher and my classmates of course looked at me worriedly, some even panicked. Everyone was asking me what was wrong but I couldn't answer them properly. The words I was only able to say were stomach, ache and vomit. Not too long after saying the word vomit, I ran to the nearest trash bin and vomited my breakfast. I cried and cried after that and my teacher sent me home, contacting my parents.  At first, they all said it will pass and like the first time, the next day I felt like the previous day hadn't happened.

               As time passed by, I felt the pain randomly. Sometimes it would be during the night, sometimes during the day, a weekend or a holiday or even a normal day. What aroused my panic was that it would last longer than the previous time I have felt it. From feeling it for only a day, it became days, eventually it became weeks. Each time I would vomit and won't have any appetite to eat. What scared me the most was that all the things I was feeling were the symptoms of the character from the book I read from months past, the book of the world of the night creatures, Night World. The main character had stomach pains, she vomited and the pains were all unbearable. Above all, we would sometime just lose consciousness in the middle of the pain. Ironic, I know, since I even put myself in her shoes before and now that I am really experiencing it I am so scared out of my mind. The worst part of it all was that my parents, my own flesh and blood who were supposed to believe in me, thought I was only acting and lying about the pain.

               I felt so alone back then. No one would believe me, they would think I was crazy and a liar, also, they would just ignore me even if I vomited. Imagine a 15 year old in so much pain, vomiting her guts out with no one even believing that she was in pain. I even suggesting going to the doctor but they wouldn't listen to me! The fear of dying and being left alone was so great back then. Thankfully, my parents saw reason and let me have a checkup.

               I had my urine tested, my blood checked and lastly, I had an ultrasound of my whole abdomen. The first two turned out normal and my parents were continuously saying that they were right and we were just wasting money. But when we got to the ultra sound, there they found that I had a stone in my gall bladder. It was already quite big to be taken by water therapy and the only option I had was surgery. Unconsciously, tears streamed down my face. The fact that I didn't have cancer and that I was right, that I wasn't a crazy liar, was, for me, a great feeling. I mean who wouldn't be happy that she didn't have an illness that can kill her? Or that she proved that she was right all along? My parents were stunned back then. They weren't expecting it and they admitted, quite apologetically, that they were wrong and that they were sorry for not believing me.

               We spent the birth of Christ that year inside the hospital, waiting for my surgery. I don't know why, but during the hours of waiting to get in the operation room, I wasn't feeling scared or that my life was in potential danger because I would be cut up. My dad was the one crying and feeling scared for me. The only thought running through my mind that time was that after all of that, I would be able to watch more anime after surgery. Funny, I know. When I was put on the rolling bed and rolled to the operation room I was actually excited. What was wrong with me? Anyway, when we reached the room, the first thing I saw was the machine they were going to use to get the stone. It was like a video game in the arcades except this machine had clamps at the back of it, those like in the arcades also in which this time you put in a coin and try to get a stuffed toy. The doctors made me put on a mask and the next thing I know was that the last thing I could remember was thinking that the light above my head was too bright.

               I had to suffer one last pain after the surgery because when I woke up, I knew that I was cut open in small but many portions in my abdomen, probed inside by a machine and stitched close by a needle. The pain was saying it all through my body. That was the only time I cried calling out for my mom since I was a kid. All throughout the night I was drifting in and out of my sleep, each time I would be crying buckets of tears. After a day, I was allowed to go home by my doctor but I was put on rest for some weeks. In my mind, I was thinking, I sure am glad I didn't end up like the main character from Night world.