9- ANGEL (poem)

I was 12 when you came to the world

You had small hands clutched tightly to mama's fingers.

When you opened your eyes you stared right at me unseeingly

For during that time you were just a born baby.

Angel (new born) with Joyce, Kirsten, Mama, Grace

I wanted to feed you, hold you in my arms

But mama scolded me said that I shouldn't

For you had a small problem above your tongue

You are struggling with a little hole that can cut your air.

When you cried, I couldn't give you food

I was scared of it coming out of your nose that father gave you

Milk pouring, dripping, filling and can drown you without being in waters.

During your naps, I kiss your chubby cheeks

Hold your small hands, sing you to sleep.

My mind then says "Your name suits you well.

You're a pure angel that can be that is fragile as can be"

I then ask God

Why did you give us a golden gift that you can take with a snap?

I wanted to hold he and keep her in my arms

But I couldn't do so without tearing you apart.

You've grown and now can talk

But words that come out of your mouth are hard to decipher

It's like the Morse code, only harder

I try my best to understand you, just like mother.

Now I'm away from you, I miss you so.

I wonder what you're doing, how was your day so far?

Are milks still coming out of your nose?

Are you and Kirsten getting along now?

Kirsten, Angel (3 yrs. old), Me

Now I tell you Don't

Don't get father mad, he's a lion.

Don't disobey mama, she knows best.

Don't fight with Kirsten, she's your best friend.

Don't skip school, listen to teacher Lalain.

Don't argue with other kids, that's just insane.

Always pray, don't forget our Lord.

He's the one who gave you to us, our little gold.

But most of all, don't you forget

I love you so much, my little ANGEL.

8- Roaming the mall alone

"Describe a day at the mall. "

          There is always something surprising about a person. Like how one secretly loves to cook but never in her life made a clue on it. Or like how one liked to sing in the shower even though she couldn't sing. Well, my own secret that no one knows of is that I liked roaming the mall by myself.

          I know, I know. Why would someone want to roam a big mall by themselves? Won't it be boring? Walking alone, having no one to talk to, to laugh with and joke around with. It seems lonely and tedious doing it alone. No one can comment about the things you would buy. No will talk to you.

          But the thing is, that's just it. No one will be able to talk to you and so, you are free to observe and look at the things you would like. No one will comment that they don't like the things you like. You won't be forced to wait in them nor will you be pressured to be waited on. You may take your own sweet time looking at things. You won't be distracted by others commenting about how they want this and that. You can just do what you want.

          Another thing that I like about it is the adventure of being alone. You might be wondering, what adventures are there in a mall, of all places? Well, first of, being alone you are more open to bad guys. You might think I'm crazy now. Why would one like that? Before I explain that let me continue on the list of adventures in the mall. Another adventure in the mall that can happen is that being alone, you can bump into anyone accidentally, be it someone you knew or someone totally new. In the end, it all comes down to me being a hopeless romantic.

          I mean, like those stories where one is in danger in a mall by robbers then suddenly she get saved by a guy and later they fall in love. Or if you bump into someone then later on you realize you guys are connected in some way. Seriously, roaming alone can have these perks. You just don't know if it will happen. But I like imagining about it as I walk down the mall.

          But I only go alone from time to time. In the end, even tough I like going to the mall alone, having friends with you is fun. Specially if it's those who are really close to you. But it won't hurt to have a day alone in the mall, right?

7-Time and Change

"The new me. . . . "

          Time is an unstoppable thing. Along with it, change is a force to be reckoned with. One cannot stop time and change in happening in one's life. It will always be there You won't be able to hide nor run from it. I tried to run from it actually. I didn't want to change. I wanted to stay the way I was when I was a carefree child. But, even I couldn't outrun it.

Me, Jira, Grace (about 5 yrs. old)

          Being a kid is the most amazing thing that a human goes trough as he lives. A kid is carefree, nothing seems to put a worry cloth around their pure little hearts. Kids tend to just live in the moment. They can be fighting the first five minutes and be best of friends the next. They don't even care about grade much since their parents don't care yet also. as long as you pass it was great. I was no exception. I was like any kid with these attributes. And I miss it dearly.

Me, Grace (I'm about 12)

          Experience and growth caught up to me. Experience taught me that life wasn't just fun and games. My parents started caring about my grades, my friends started caring about boys and school. I found myself alone in my kid world. I didn't like it but I had to grow up with them all. I learned to care for my grades. I learned to notice boys. I learned to have worries. Will I pass my exams? Will my crush like me? Will I still have friends tomorrow? What game should we play? What will happen tomorrow?

Me now, and Meliza Joy Vida

          Now, I'm this responsible big sister who worries about her sisters back home. I'm an eldest daughter who wants to make my parents proud. I'm a girl that worries about her friends during high school and friends right now in college. I'm a girl that thinks boys are going to slow me down in accomplishing my goals. I'm a girl whose goals are to graduate and be able to sustain her family. In the end, I couldn't stay a kid forever. Time and change caught me.

          But I didn't say that I grew up totally. I still have that reckless kid hidden somewhere inside me. Bet all of you has it hidden too. No one can completely let their childhood go.

6-A place that honed me

          "Describe a place from your past. "

          Some people may have permanent homes. But unlike you guys, ever since I was born, I have never had a permanent house. When I was a kid, I remember I lived in a rental house, then we moved to my grandparent's house. all these places was in Batangas City. But one time, when I got sick, my parents decided to move someplace near my father's work. We moved to Sta. Rosa, Laguna. 

          Now, since we moved, I had to switch schools. It was no big deal back then for me since I was still in pre-elementary. All I cared about back then was that I can have new friends. Well, what do expect a kid to think about? Any ways, This school was just a newly opened one. I was one of the very first batch of students there. It was named after St. Peter, since it was beside a church named after St. Peter too. The school was Chair of Saint Peter or CSPS.

Chair of Saint Peter Parish Church

          CSPS had a weird colored building. I mean, who colors their school pink? Then I realized that it was a collaboration with the church itself and they just used pink because it was also the church's color. As, I said it was a new school, so not much students were there. I belonged to the morning batch under Ms. Ortiz. Forgot out section back then. The rooms were all air conditioned and our snacks were free. The cafeteria just sends us free meal during snack time. Not only that, our notebooks were free too! Even our pencils and papers for the start of the year were all free. We didn't have to pay for exam papers either. Well, maybe it was with the tuition but it was cheap! 

          As I grew up in that school, I met new friends. Every morning, all students can't go inside the rooms nor the buildings just yet. We all had to wait in the covered ground. The ground was just the size of two basketball courts the half for basketball itself and the other half for the playground. Each morning, almost 500 students would wait in the ground until flag ceremony where we would all have to do it in the grounds. Then, one by one, the sections would go in, with the officers helping them carry their big bags up the stairs. you know those bags that are as heavy as suit cases. The trip to the classrooms always remind me of the entrances of big concerts, so full of people, in this case kids, rushing to get good seats.

CSPS, Sta. Rosa, Laguna

          One of the things I won't forget about this place is the cafeteria every snack and lunch time. You know in movies about high school, where kids are all noisy and bonding with their friends, they all gather in the cafeteria during break? Well, It's like that except, The teachers were with us during break. All kids, even teachers, enjoy one another's company inside that small room. Teachers even share their foods with the students. It's the place where the class really becomes a family. 

School Activities now

          CSPS is one of the places which made me who I am today. This place taught me academic stuff, yes but also, it taught me how to love and cherish my friends. It taught me to be friendly and love God unconditionally. Most of all, it taught me how to live without regrets.

5-My fragile Angel

"Describe a family member"

Kirsten,Angelica, Me

        Most people would wish that they have a brother. The reason would be either, since they have all sisters or if they are an only child. Well, I'm one of those who wished to have one that was older than me. My reason? it's because I'm the eldest daughter of 3 girl children of my parents. My reason for not wanting to be the eldest and wanting to have a brother is really because of my sisters themselves, but particularly, my youngest sister Angelica. 

Whole Family

        You might be wondering why would that be a reason. Well, It's because of the responsibilities that came with her. Maria Angelica was born on August 12 during the year 2008. She came out of my mom as this little child that had this soft chubby cheeks and my father's nose. Her lips were so tender and small and always was in a frown. But when she does smile, it's like the room lights up. Her small frame just fit in right in my mom's arms. Unfortunately, she didn't get my white skin. She had my dad's complexion too. Unlucky girl. JOKE! Her hands were also just fit to grip my other sister's pinky. Angelica was this cute little baby that was like a fragile doll. 

        Still wondering why she would be a reason why i would like an older brother? Why is this angel making me wish for this impossible dream? Well it's because of one small problem she was born with. This small problem can really of caused her life and also caused my life to be quite a challenge. This small problem made me take on a gigantic responsibility. This small wrinkle she was born with made it hard to show all my love to her. This small problem was her having a cleft palate.

        As it is known, cleft palate is dangerous specially for small kids. Those born with it can drink milk then have it come out of their nose. If not treated properly, the kid may suffocate and die as if she drowned in milk. This scared me a lot. imagine, your sister would cry, asking you for food, but when you do, the milk pours out of her nose. I mean, what sister wouldn't be scared? What mother won't scold that sister? My mom sure scolded me big time. Since then, i was scared and reluctant to even hold my baby sister.

        Eventually, I learned how to properly feed my baby sister though. Mom thought me how to properly hold the bottle while feeding her also, what was the proper position to hold her while doing it. There still sometimes when I would accidentally hold it wrongly and cause the milk to go out of her nose and all that but it lessened with time and practice. But after one crisis solved, another came. 

        Angelica reached the age where she wanted to talk and walk. Walking was fine, believe it or not. She learned to walk first before she learned to crawl! The problem with this was when she learned to crawl, she decided to do it instead of walking! She did it backwards but it was still so cute! The main head aching thing about this was, since she had cleft palate, she couldn't speak properly. I had to listen very carefully, pay my full attention to her, to understand what she was saying. Instead of saying "dede" for milk, she says "ngenge." She says ngame" if she's calling for daddy. It was tough decoding her words.

        I still listened though. I still fed her. I still held her. i still kissed her. I still sung her to sleep. I still hugged her. II still loved her. I still thanked God for giving us this precious little bundle of sunshine.

       I thanked God for giving her to me to make me learn responsibility. To teach me to be determined. She taught me not to be afraid to show my love. She taught me to be patient. She taught me to listen. She taught me to understand And most importantly, she taught me to be a big sister, and a big brother. And so, I thanked god for giving me Angelica instead of a big brother.

4 - Phase of emotions

"I was telling the truth and ____ didn't believe me. "

                All teenagers seem to have gone through a time in which they hate a relative of theirs to the core. I was no different since there was a time I really hated my relatives-yes it was plural- to the point I couldn't stand being in the same house as them. These relatives were all my Dad's family. His mom, sisters and one brother which ironically was also my Godfather, and her wife. One sister was also my Godmother. Also, this phase of my teenage life really started even before I was a teenager. Yes, it lasted for years.

                You see, unlike many people who seem to forget most happenings during their childhood, I remember most of them since most of them made me into who I am right, a very matured person for my age. One of the events that stuck to me was the very event in which I started disliking my relatives.

Grace, Joyce, Jack,Kirsten and Me.

                It was a bright joyful start of the day for me. I remember that that day we were having a party for a birthday of one of my cousins. I can't remember who. During that time, my cousins Jack, Jira, Grace, RJ, Joyce and my sister Kirsten were only 6-3  year olds. Each a year younger than the first respectively. I was 7 and the eldest among all of them. Of course like most seven year olds, I was playful and curios about most things around me. I liked to play with toys that time too. I mean what kid doesn't like toys? Anyway, since most of us were at the stage of our lives which we were curious and playful, during the party, we decided to play hide and seek around the house where the party was being held. Come on, you can't expect kids to just sit around while the adults gossip about boring stuff our tiny brains can't comprehend.

                But like any adult would do to any kid being noisy during a noisy party itself, my aunt and Godmother reprimanded us and told us to play inside the rooms instead. So we did. but they didn't specify which and how many rooms we can play in so we played in both rooms in the house, it only had two bedrooms. One was the room of us kids, where we sleep in, we liked sleeping together, and the other the room of my aunt, Jack's mom. So, anyway, we were still playing hide and seek but now were only using two bedrooms. But, since we were still noisy and the adults needed to talk about boring stuff, my Godfather, Grace and Joyce's dad, told us to stay in one room only, and since the master bedroom was bigger and had a bathroom for itself, we chose it. Godfather turned on the AC and locked all of us in the room.

                We couldn't really play hide and seek in the room since there was no good place to hide in it, so Kirsten and Joyce, we call those two twins since they were both born on the same month and were always together, suggested we play House pretend. Jack and RJ argued that it was too girly. Jira suggested we play tag. I argued that the room was too small for it. Grace was about to tell us something when there was an angry knock on the door. I heard my Godmother shouting angrily at us to open the door. Like any brave children, my cousins pushed me to open the door. I had no choice since I was the eldest so, yeah, I opened it and was met with a very angry Godmother. She scolded me, loudly at that, that I, yes it wasn't us, we or anything plural, just 'I' as in only me, shouldn't lock the door. I tried to say it wasn't me who locked it but she didn't believe me and just told me not to lie.

Strike one.

                She left us after she used the bathroom but left the door unlocked, but closed. My cousins were back with what we were going to do. Jack then suggested to play with one of his new toys-now I remember, it was his birthday we were having a party for, the toy was one of the gifts. Anyway, I tried to tell him no since I knew his mom and I knew she wouldn't like it we played with something new. But I was outnumbered since all of my cousins agreed with him. While they were getting the toy, I reluctantly followed them and watched them play with it. The toy was a fishing set, the one with the fish with magnets and a fishing pole with another magnet. They were all playing with it in the bathroom and since I was the eldest, when it was my turn, I got the toy and decided to put it back to the cabinet. The others tried to stop me but I was set on putting it back. Just as I stepped out the room, Aunty came in and saw me holding the toy. Of course, since it looked like I played with the toy, with it being wet and all, she got angry at me. only me, since she thought only I was playing with it. I tried to explain everything but she wouldn't hear any of it saying only I could get the toy out of the cabinet, even though her own son got it out.

Strike two.

                These two reasons were the start of my dislike with them. But the last straw happened years after, when I was in first year high school. I remember that they all decided to visit the Philippines- they lived abroad then- and like any good relative, my family visited the place where they were staying, my Grandma's house. It was Christmas Eve then. I was an emotional teen and every little thing may cause huge emotions from me. The first happening was when we were all having fun and doing karaoke, singing to our heart's content, when I heard my Grandmom say unabashedly, that I shouldn't sing and just shut up since I was tone deaf. Ok, that one hurt a bit. I didn't pay attention much to it and pretended I didn't hear it and finished the son still but I didn't sing anymore songs after that. I didn't want Grandmom being irritated with my singing (By the way, I have never sung in public since then). But the most hurtful accusation was when my Dad's siblings told me to change schools.

Me, Angelica (youngest sister), Kirsten

                Ok, to understand my feelings, you have to know my school and the other schools in Batangas. My schools was a private school which is known for advanced academic standards, but since it was private, the tuition was a bit higher than what my other cousins pay since they were in public schools. My parents just had my second sister then and she had a cleft palette and needed operation. My parents only make average income and barely get us by with our tuition fee, Kirsten and I. So, we were in need of the money then. Dad's siblings knew this and blamed me for my parent's needing more money since we were going to a private school instead of going to a public one. They accused us of insisting and not wanting to go to public schools. They made it seem like It was my fault my parents were suffering. They said I was spoiled. But the thing was, the school wasn't my choice! I was alright with going to a public school and told it to my parents even before my youngest sister was born. But they were the ones who insisted I go to a private school, not me. Why then were my dad's siblings accusing me of being spoiled when I was willing and always putting my family first before me? Those people didn't know me since they were always abroad!

Strike three. The final strike.

                I just stayed quiet after that talk. I smiled even though I was fuming inside. I pretended to enjoy Christmas then but in truth, I was so angry. In fact, after the party, I locked myself inside a room and punched the bed many times as tears streamed down my face out of anger. Since then, I avoided going to that house if I could. Every gathering I would make excuses not to go there. Every outing, I distanced and busied myself so that I wouldn't have to be around them.

                Fortunately, now I am on good terms with my relatives. As I said, I was matured beyond my age, even during this time when I hated my relatives. I knew more about things and made decisions in a matured manner. But I was still a teenager with emotional uneasiness. This was the reason why I had this phase, I was emotional. But an event in my life changed this hatred and I learned to forgive. I can't forget, but I learned from it. But this event that changed me, is another story for another day.