4 - Phase of emotions

"I was telling the truth and ____ didn't believe me. "

                All teenagers seem to have gone through a time in which they hate a relative of theirs to the core. I was no different since there was a time I really hated my relatives-yes it was plural- to the point I couldn't stand being in the same house as them. These relatives were all my Dad's family. His mom, sisters and one brother which ironically was also my Godfather, and her wife. One sister was also my Godmother. Also, this phase of my teenage life really started even before I was a teenager. Yes, it lasted for years.

                You see, unlike many people who seem to forget most happenings during their childhood, I remember most of them since most of them made me into who I am right, a very matured person for my age. One of the events that stuck to me was the very event in which I started disliking my relatives.

Grace, Joyce, Jack,Kirsten and Me.

                It was a bright joyful start of the day for me. I remember that that day we were having a party for a birthday of one of my cousins. I can't remember who. During that time, my cousins Jack, Jira, Grace, RJ, Joyce and my sister Kirsten were only 6-3  year olds. Each a year younger than the first respectively. I was 7 and the eldest among all of them. Of course like most seven year olds, I was playful and curios about most things around me. I liked to play with toys that time too. I mean what kid doesn't like toys? Anyway, since most of us were at the stage of our lives which we were curious and playful, during the party, we decided to play hide and seek around the house where the party was being held. Come on, you can't expect kids to just sit around while the adults gossip about boring stuff our tiny brains can't comprehend.

                But like any adult would do to any kid being noisy during a noisy party itself, my aunt and Godmother reprimanded us and told us to play inside the rooms instead. So we did. but they didn't specify which and how many rooms we can play in so we played in both rooms in the house, it only had two bedrooms. One was the room of us kids, where we sleep in, we liked sleeping together, and the other the room of my aunt, Jack's mom. So, anyway, we were still playing hide and seek but now were only using two bedrooms. But, since we were still noisy and the adults needed to talk about boring stuff, my Godfather, Grace and Joyce's dad, told us to stay in one room only, and since the master bedroom was bigger and had a bathroom for itself, we chose it. Godfather turned on the AC and locked all of us in the room.

                We couldn't really play hide and seek in the room since there was no good place to hide in it, so Kirsten and Joyce, we call those two twins since they were both born on the same month and were always together, suggested we play House pretend. Jack and RJ argued that it was too girly. Jira suggested we play tag. I argued that the room was too small for it. Grace was about to tell us something when there was an angry knock on the door. I heard my Godmother shouting angrily at us to open the door. Like any brave children, my cousins pushed me to open the door. I had no choice since I was the eldest so, yeah, I opened it and was met with a very angry Godmother. She scolded me, loudly at that, that I, yes it wasn't us, we or anything plural, just 'I' as in only me, shouldn't lock the door. I tried to say it wasn't me who locked it but she didn't believe me and just told me not to lie.

Strike one.

                She left us after she used the bathroom but left the door unlocked, but closed. My cousins were back with what we were going to do. Jack then suggested to play with one of his new toys-now I remember, it was his birthday we were having a party for, the toy was one of the gifts. Anyway, I tried to tell him no since I knew his mom and I knew she wouldn't like it we played with something new. But I was outnumbered since all of my cousins agreed with him. While they were getting the toy, I reluctantly followed them and watched them play with it. The toy was a fishing set, the one with the fish with magnets and a fishing pole with another magnet. They were all playing with it in the bathroom and since I was the eldest, when it was my turn, I got the toy and decided to put it back to the cabinet. The others tried to stop me but I was set on putting it back. Just as I stepped out the room, Aunty came in and saw me holding the toy. Of course, since it looked like I played with the toy, with it being wet and all, she got angry at me. only me, since she thought only I was playing with it. I tried to explain everything but she wouldn't hear any of it saying only I could get the toy out of the cabinet, even though her own son got it out.

Strike two.

                These two reasons were the start of my dislike with them. But the last straw happened years after, when I was in first year high school. I remember that they all decided to visit the Philippines- they lived abroad then- and like any good relative, my family visited the place where they were staying, my Grandma's house. It was Christmas Eve then. I was an emotional teen and every little thing may cause huge emotions from me. The first happening was when we were all having fun and doing karaoke, singing to our heart's content, when I heard my Grandmom say unabashedly, that I shouldn't sing and just shut up since I was tone deaf. Ok, that one hurt a bit. I didn't pay attention much to it and pretended I didn't hear it and finished the son still but I didn't sing anymore songs after that. I didn't want Grandmom being irritated with my singing (By the way, I have never sung in public since then). But the most hurtful accusation was when my Dad's siblings told me to change schools.

Me, Angelica (youngest sister), Kirsten

                Ok, to understand my feelings, you have to know my school and the other schools in Batangas. My schools was a private school which is known for advanced academic standards, but since it was private, the tuition was a bit higher than what my other cousins pay since they were in public schools. My parents just had my second sister then and she had a cleft palette and needed operation. My parents only make average income and barely get us by with our tuition fee, Kirsten and I. So, we were in need of the money then. Dad's siblings knew this and blamed me for my parent's needing more money since we were going to a private school instead of going to a public one. They accused us of insisting and not wanting to go to public schools. They made it seem like It was my fault my parents were suffering. They said I was spoiled. But the thing was, the school wasn't my choice! I was alright with going to a public school and told it to my parents even before my youngest sister was born. But they were the ones who insisted I go to a private school, not me. Why then were my dad's siblings accusing me of being spoiled when I was willing and always putting my family first before me? Those people didn't know me since they were always abroad!

Strike three. The final strike.

                I just stayed quiet after that talk. I smiled even though I was fuming inside. I pretended to enjoy Christmas then but in truth, I was so angry. In fact, after the party, I locked myself inside a room and punched the bed many times as tears streamed down my face out of anger. Since then, I avoided going to that house if I could. Every gathering I would make excuses not to go there. Every outing, I distanced and busied myself so that I wouldn't have to be around them.

                Fortunately, now I am on good terms with my relatives. As I said, I was matured beyond my age, even during this time when I hated my relatives. I knew more about things and made decisions in a matured manner. But I was still a teenager with emotional uneasiness. This was the reason why I had this phase, I was emotional. But an event in my life changed this hatred and I learned to forgive. I can't forget, but I learned from it. But this event that changed me, is another story for another day.