"Write
about a disappointment. "
Traditionally, each Christmas, the
Irineo Clan would have a reunion party. Most, if not all, members of the clan
would be there and have fun, just bonding with each other. I have never missed
this reunion before and I always look forward to it. The games we would have
would have been enjoyable and the money we would get as prizes were a lot. It
was just this past Christmas that I wasn't able to go to the reunion. My cousins
asked me why, my answer was that because I was a responsible person.
I must admit, I wasn't responsible
before high school. I was a naughty kid. Heck, I would steal and hide the keys,
then secretly go out of the house every afternoon. My parents would worry about
me and then scold me. It may even seem that I was the bane of their lives back
then. I tamed a bit when we moved from Laguna to Batangas but I was still such
a playful kid. It wasn't till I was in sixth grade that I had my eyes opened to
my responsibilities.
During that Christmas, my Dad got me a book as a gift. It was Breaking Dawn of the Twilight series. I was already into reading back then, but that book is what got my eyes opened in the responsibilities of the parents. It was enthralling how Bella was ready to sacrifice her own life just so her baby could be born. It captivated me how Edward saved both his wife and daughter in the end. What got me the most was how the whole Cullen coven was ready to die just for their youngest to survive.
That year was also the year my mom gave birth to my youngest sister. When I first saw her, I immediately fell for the small infant my mother held. The feeling of protectiveness and love flowed within my heart and filled my being. Yes, I had another sister older than the youngest, but when she was born, the second, I was still a kid, too young to understand how to be the older sister. And so, when I had another baby sister during the time my mind was capable of understanding things beyond my age, because of reading, I knew right away that it was time for me to grow up. I had to be the eldest sister my sisters could look up to.
Just, after realizing my role as the eldest sister, I was then tossed into another role. In a blink of an eye, I became the Class president during my second year high school. I never had any official role before then. That role in class was my first. Suddenly, I was stumped with class paper works, duties and organizing. I felt the trust and confidence my teachers and classmates had in me. My parents added to the pressure for I also felt their pride in me back then. I learnt my role as a student and daughter at the same time. I was afraid of letting them all down. I learned to how to fear the feeling of disappointment in me.
But my eyes became fully opened just this year, when I stepped in college. As I have said, I already fear disappointment in me, but I felt it more here. It was because I knew how much my parents are paying just so I could study here. Each month, they have to pay almost 20, 000 pesos just for my tuition and dorm. Add to it money for my food and school supplies and other essentials. Then I also know how much they were paying for both my sisters' tuition fees. Then there would be the rental of the house, the electric and water bills. I knew how much they are sacrificing for us. Then add to it the expectations of all my relatives and since they helped me in my studies, they're the ones who gave me my laptop, pen tablet and camera, I knew I couldn't disappoint them. All of them.
I had a lot on my shoulders. I am the eldest sister. The first of both the Irineo and Velasquez clan of this generation to step into college. The first one of both clans to step into the multimedia business. The First daughter, granddaughter, cousin, niece, nephew. I was a role model to be followed, the hope of my family, the future of both has a lot to do with me. I was expected to be all these things. And that was why I had my mind set on the future. I am now cautious of what I do. Each responsibility thrown at me, I take seriously.
It just so happened, I had a responsibility of finishing a video for my mom's reunion with her college friends that Christmas and that was why I wasn't able to attend the clan's reunion. I was down that I wasn't able to go, but I was able to finish my responsibility. My mom wasn't disappointed. I guess because of this fear and because of my eyes being opened in the tender age of 12, I now don't care for my own enjoyment.
You might think that I would advise you to follow my lead, but no. I want those reading this to do the one thing I wasn't able to. I feared disappointment. I took in my responsibilities to a dangerous level. Because of this, I don't care about my social life anymore. What I want to leave you with is another kind of fear. The fear of fearing. Enjoy life, don't be like me who regret not going to the party I was looking forward to all year long. Learn to balance your life. Never fear making mistakes, learn from it. Don't put a barrier around you just because of your responsibilities. Because let me tell you this, my life though may seem nice, with good grades and proud parents, is really a hard life to live constantly.
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