"Did you ever hide a real feeling or emotion? When? Why?"
When I was in first year high school, I went through a
phase in which I thought everyone was against me. Specially my relatives on my
father's side. And yes, I meant all of my first relatives there.
It really begun way before then. I have had this feeling
of rebellion ever since they scolded and blamed me as child for something I
didn't do. Some things happened and that feeling grew. It just so happens that
my hormones ran out of control during my first year in high school. Add to it a
feeling of angst towards your own relative and you have a rebellious teenager.
I wasn't the type of rebel that had addictions and bad
vices. The only thing wrong with me was that I refused to go to my relative's house
willingly. Each time my parents would say that we would go visit them, I would
make up an excuse not to go with my parents. At first they were agreeable to it
since my excuses were all academic related. But later on, they noticed that I
was avoiding visiting my relatives. I guess denying to go there for two years
will really do that.
At some point, they didn't buy my excuse and forced me to
go with them. I agreed to go there since my dad asked me, and I didn't want a
sulking daddy in the house. That was my job! Anyway, as to not alert my parents
in what I was going through, I pretended to bond and like my relatives, but the
truth was I was wanted to shout at them
and freaking slam the doors at their faces. But I held it in me for my dad.
It got over board one night. During a late night holiday,
me and my cousins were singing and I over heard my relatives saying that I was
forcing my parents into letting me go to a private school. How dare they accuse
me of forcing my parents! I didn't even have a say in which school I was going
to! After this comment many more negative comments followed about me. Angry and
hurt, I went to my room and cried silently. A little while later, I heard my
dad knock on my door and I call me out for dinner. I hesitantly got up and
cleaned my face. I decided to test my acting skills and pretend to be alright
even though I was so angry and hurt. I went to dinner and laughed, talked and
ate like everything was alright. I pretended every time I went there for almost
three years. I learned how to forgive eventually, and to just let it go and
prove them wrong. But that's another story entirely now, isn't it ;)
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